Conversation #1: Because it's been way too long since I've reminded you how disgusting I am.
Scene: My house, early evening. Aaron is in the shower and Aeralyn and I are singing yet another round of "The Wheels on the Bus".
Him: *shouting from the shower* HHHHHHHEEEYYYYY!!!
Me: WHAT?!
Him: COME HERE!
Me: *opens the door to the bathroom* What?
Him: come look at this.
Me: is it really important right now because I'm kinda busy with Aeralyn?
Him: yes, come here!
Me: I swear Aaron, if you're going to do the Spongebob no pants thing I'll kill you.
Him: No, this is serious. I need a Wal-Mart bag.
Me: Um...okay. In the shower?
Him: Yes. LOOK!!
Me: *opens shower curtain* OH MY GOD!!! What the hell is that?!
Him: It came from the drain!
Me: GROSS!
Him: I know! It's like, a small dog or something.
Me: I think I'm going to be sick.
Him: Me too if you don't go get me a Wal-Mart bag so I can get rid of it!
Me: *leaves to get bag*
Me: *comes back with a ziploc bag and hands it to him*
Him: Why did you bring me a ziploc bag?
Me: Um...I couldn't find any Wal-Mart bags. Just put it in there and we'll throw it away.
Him: I just saw a ton of Wal-Mart bags in the kitchen. There is no sense in wasting a ziploc bag.
Me: Just put it in there!!
Him: What are you up to?
Me: Nothing...
Him: No! We are not saving this thing so you can take a picture of it and show it to the internet!!
Me: But WHY? Wouldn't it be so gross?! It would be even better than the time I showed them all the stuff in our refrigerator!
Him: NO! That is absolutely disgusting you freak!
Me: I know...*leaves to get a Wal-Mart bag*
Y'all, I am not even kidding or making this up. I think you all need to personally thank Aaron for saving you from the most disgusting thing you might have ever seen. Seriously though, if you would have rolled that clog into a ball? It would have been the size of a softball. A SOFTBALL sized clog came out of my shower drain! And I wanted to show it to the INTERNET! You see? Do you see how much I LOVE you? *bats eyelashes*
Conversation #2: Because you need to be informed of yet another one of my terribly bad habits.
Scene: My kitchen, right after Aaron got out of the shower. I had just put Aeralyn to bed and I was working on painting some big Easter eggs I had just cut out of poster board.
Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Him: What?
Me: UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Him: WHAT?! *turns to look at me* What is all over your mouth?!
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Heyuhp muh!
Him: *laughing* What?
Me: *gesturing wildly towards the sink* Heyup MUH!! Cuh hah mah hair!
Him: Help you come hold your hair?
Me: YYYYEEEHHHH!
Him: *dieing laughing and coming to hold my hair* What did you do?
Me: *laughing as I'm rinsing mouth out under the faucet*
Him: Did you lick the paintbrush?
Me: No!
Him: What the heck did you do?
Me: I was opening the paint....
Him: *cuts me off before I can finish explaining* ...with your MOUTH! Geez Heather, how many times have I told you not to open things with your mouth? You're going to break a tooth one day.
Me: Thanks DAD!
Him: Well, now that you got a mouth full of yellow paint do you think you've learned your lesson?
Me: *glares at him*
Him: I have got to call everybody and tell them what you just did! *laughing hysterically*
Me: I hate you!
Yes, I open everything with my mouth. Soda cans, nail polish bottles, things wrapped in plastic, paint bottles. And no, I have not learned my lesson.
Coversation #3: Because Aaron and I need to go back to kindergarten.
Scene: Still in the kitchen, I'm still painting.
Me: What color should I use next?
Him: Hmmm....do you have blue?
Me: No, Wal-Mart was out of blue today.
Him: What? No BLUE?!
Me: Nope, no blue. Hey wait! I can make blue!
Him: How?
Me: Yellow and green make blue dummy. *rolls eyes*
Him: Are you sure?
Me: uh, yeah!
Me: *mixes yellow and green*
Him: hmmm...that doesn't look blue to me.
Me: I just need to add some purple.
Me: *adds purple* *thinks to self this looks like crap*
Him: Let me call mom, she knows. *on the phone "What two colors make blue? Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay, thanks."*
Him: You can't make blue.
Me: What do you mean you can't make blue?
Him: Blue is a primary color. You can't make it.
Me: Oh yeah. I knew that.
Him: Right, I'm sure you did.
Me: I really did. I just forgot.
Him: What was that thing about ROYGBIV?
Me: Uh...that has nothing to do with what we're talking about.
Him: I know, I just thought of it. What was that again?
Me: The rainbow thing.
Him: Oh yeah, the guy that invented the rainbow.
Me: *crickets*
Me: You mean like Roy G. Biv?
Him: yeah....*smiles*
Me: you're kidding right?
Him: of course
Me: oh thank God!
Yes, I really tried to make blue. Unsuccesfully. Somebody really needs to work on that. Maybe I'll call up 'ol Roy G. Biv and ask him for help. Surely he knows since he invented the rainbow and all...
Scene: My house, early evening. Aaron is in the shower and Aeralyn and I are singing yet another round of "The Wheels on the Bus".
Him: *shouting from the shower* HHHHHHHEEEYYYYY!!!
Me: WHAT?!
Him: COME HERE!
Me: *opens the door to the bathroom* What?
Him: come look at this.
Me: is it really important right now because I'm kinda busy with Aeralyn?
Him: yes, come here!
Me: I swear Aaron, if you're going to do the Spongebob no pants thing I'll kill you.
Him: No, this is serious. I need a Wal-Mart bag.
Me: Um...okay. In the shower?
Him: Yes. LOOK!!
Me: *opens shower curtain* OH MY GOD!!! What the hell is that?!
Him: It came from the drain!
Me: GROSS!
Him: I know! It's like, a small dog or something.
Me: I think I'm going to be sick.
Him: Me too if you don't go get me a Wal-Mart bag so I can get rid of it!
Me: *leaves to get bag*
Me: *comes back with a ziploc bag and hands it to him*
Him: Why did you bring me a ziploc bag?
Me: Um...I couldn't find any Wal-Mart bags. Just put it in there and we'll throw it away.
Him: I just saw a ton of Wal-Mart bags in the kitchen. There is no sense in wasting a ziploc bag.
Me: Just put it in there!!
Him: What are you up to?
Me: Nothing...
Him: No! We are not saving this thing so you can take a picture of it and show it to the internet!!
Me: But WHY? Wouldn't it be so gross?! It would be even better than the time I showed them all the stuff in our refrigerator!
Him: NO! That is absolutely disgusting you freak!
Me: I know...*leaves to get a Wal-Mart bag*
Y'all, I am not even kidding or making this up. I think you all need to personally thank Aaron for saving you from the most disgusting thing you might have ever seen. Seriously though, if you would have rolled that clog into a ball? It would have been the size of a softball. A SOFTBALL sized clog came out of my shower drain! And I wanted to show it to the INTERNET! You see? Do you see how much I LOVE you? *bats eyelashes*
Conversation #2: Because you need to be informed of yet another one of my terribly bad habits.
Scene: My kitchen, right after Aaron got out of the shower. I had just put Aeralyn to bed and I was working on painting some big Easter eggs I had just cut out of poster board.
Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Him: What?
Me: UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Him: WHAT?! *turns to look at me* What is all over your mouth?!
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Heyuhp muh!
Him: *laughing* What?
Me: *gesturing wildly towards the sink* Heyup MUH!! Cuh hah mah hair!
Him: Help you come hold your hair?
Me: YYYYEEEHHHH!
Him: *dieing laughing and coming to hold my hair* What did you do?
Me: *laughing as I'm rinsing mouth out under the faucet*
Him: Did you lick the paintbrush?
Me: No!
Him: What the heck did you do?
Me: I was opening the paint....
Him: *cuts me off before I can finish explaining* ...with your MOUTH! Geez Heather, how many times have I told you not to open things with your mouth? You're going to break a tooth one day.
Me: Thanks DAD!
Him: Well, now that you got a mouth full of yellow paint do you think you've learned your lesson?
Me: *glares at him*
Him: I have got to call everybody and tell them what you just did! *laughing hysterically*
Me: I hate you!
Yes, I open everything with my mouth. Soda cans, nail polish bottles, things wrapped in plastic, paint bottles. And no, I have not learned my lesson.
Coversation #3: Because Aaron and I need to go back to kindergarten.
Scene: Still in the kitchen, I'm still painting.
Me: What color should I use next?
Him: Hmmm....do you have blue?
Me: No, Wal-Mart was out of blue today.
Him: What? No BLUE?!
Me: Nope, no blue. Hey wait! I can make blue!
Him: How?
Me: Yellow and green make blue dummy. *rolls eyes*
Him: Are you sure?
Me: uh, yeah!
Me: *mixes yellow and green*
Him: hmmm...that doesn't look blue to me.
Me: I just need to add some purple.
Me: *adds purple* *thinks to self this looks like crap*
Him: Let me call mom, she knows. *on the phone "What two colors make blue? Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay, thanks."*
Him: You can't make blue.
Me: What do you mean you can't make blue?
Him: Blue is a primary color. You can't make it.
Me: Oh yeah. I knew that.
Him: Right, I'm sure you did.
Me: I really did. I just forgot.
Him: What was that thing about ROYGBIV?
Me: Uh...that has nothing to do with what we're talking about.
Him: I know, I just thought of it. What was that again?
Me: The rainbow thing.
Him: Oh yeah, the guy that invented the rainbow.
Me: *crickets*
Me: You mean like Roy G. Biv?
Him: yeah....*smiles*
Me: you're kidding right?
Him: of course
Me: oh thank God!
Yes, I really tried to make blue. Unsuccesfully. Somebody really needs to work on that. Maybe I'll call up 'ol Roy G. Biv and ask him for help. Surely he knows since he invented the rainbow and all...
Labels: About Me, General Randomness
8 Comments:
hahaha to funny heather !
~Tara
Now I know where Tyler gets the opening everything with his mouth thing. You could have called Hannah, she could have told you what colors go together to make certain colors! By the way, those of you that don't know how old Hannah is, she's only 4!
You are Aaron are too funny. I'm thinking....webcam!
If Kyra weren't taking a nap right now I'd be laughing my tail off, instead you'll have to deal with the silent chuckles for now.
I have tears in my eyes right now. The color thing really got me. My students will say the same thing sometimes. I guess you guys just had a really big brain fart.....as for opening things with your mom....becareful. My mother was opening and it got in her eye and she had to go to the hospital.... this is the reason why scissors were made. Thanks for the great laugh!
Ha! I love CJ...she never proof-reads.
CJ's words of wisdom: "Be careful opening things with your mom."
Remember that.
leave me alone.....i tried proof reading and I still missed it. But if you had my mother you would have to beware.
ROFLMAO... I'm still in stitches over the Spongebob no pants thing. LMAO - priceless!!!
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