What I have learned this week:
1. When my husband can't hear the TV, he turns off the Air Conditioner. He turns it off...OFF!! HELLO! And then? He forgets to turn it back on. Have you noticed he forgets alot? Yea, me too. I thought I was going to melt the other day, and I was refusing to turn down the AC because: OH. MY. GAH!! The light bill makes me cry, but I decided to go and check and make sure that it was not broken, and do you know what the thermostat said? 84 degrees. EIGHTY FOUR DEGREES!! In my HOUSE!! He survived. Why does everyone worry for his safety so much. I mean, really.
2. I am so in love with the new commercial for some label maker thingy. Have you seen it? The one where the old couple get up and kiss eachother good morning and then they smile and realize that they have on eachother's dentures? I LOVE that commercial. I thought I might send myself into labor the first couple of times I saw it because I was laughing so hard. Pftt...that didn't happen.
3. Apparently I need to have sex. Did that catch you off guard? Yea, it does me too, everytime someone suggests it. And let me tell you, EVERYONE has suggested it. And when I say everyone, I mean that also includes my mother-in-law. Ewwww...how does she know about that? Supposedly doing the "hibbety-dibbety" will send me into labor. Wait a minute...isn't that what got me in this mess in the first place? That's what I thought. And maybe you haven't seen me lately, but I am the size of a small whale, and I'm not so sure about the "hibbety-dibbety". Frankly, I would rather drink some castor oil.
4. A single grape can entertain my dog for about half and hour. She got so excited over a grape that I gave her on Friday that I think she may have had a small seizure. Wow.
5. The new restaurant in town that I have been wanting to try for the past month so bad that I think about it, like, every single day SUCKS!! Ate there Friday night, won't go back again because it was so... not good. I won't mention the name on here just because I'm so influential and so many people read this, you know. And you might actually like it.
6. My cat is a big fat woosie cat. He is big, I mean really...he weighs 11lbs, and he likes to sit around the house plotting how he is going to dominate the world. He figures he already has us dominated...I don't know why he thinks this because, it's not like he has his own room or anything crazy like that. Okay, so maybe he does...but, shut up. So anyway, he had to go to the vet because he s allergic to something which has caused him to scratch a rash around his neck and now he is all scabby and yuck y'all. I felt so sorry for him. So, I loaded him up to go to the vet. By myself, which was great idea of the century #492.
Now, Coal, being the manly cat that he is, refuses to ride in a pet carrier. Oh no..Coal is too good for a pet carrier, but that's okay because he actually does really awesome in the car, and always has. So, off we go to the vet. He cried the WHOLE. WAY. THERE. I mean, like he already knew where we were going or something.
We arrive at the vet and I carry him inside to the front desk. He immediately turns around and digs his claws into my shoulder. He is PISSED people...I mean big time. He remembers that the vet is where he went one time, and he came home without his balls. I mean, can you really blame him?
He hid behind me the whole time in the examination room like a little woosie, and acted like he was afraid of the world. I tried talking to him, but he wouldn't even look at me. The vet said that he may be allergic to fleas, or it could be a food allergy (though probably not because he has been eating this food for a long time now), or...get this now...it could be stress. You know, like how your face breaks out when you get stressed? Yea, that could be it. So, he gets a cortizone shot and an antibiotic, and needs lots of love and special attention. Did I mention he has his OWN ROOM? What more does he want? Geez...
So, I put him back in the car, and he sat in the back seat the whole way home, not making a sound and staring out the window. I could hear him mumbling under his breath "I have the worst mom EVER on the history of the planet. I hate her. I think I'll piss on something that she likes when we get home... *evil chuckles".
This is Coal plotting his world domination. Be afraid people...be very afraid.
1. When my husband can't hear the TV, he turns off the Air Conditioner. He turns it off...OFF!! HELLO! And then? He forgets to turn it back on. Have you noticed he forgets alot? Yea, me too. I thought I was going to melt the other day, and I was refusing to turn down the AC because: OH. MY. GAH!! The light bill makes me cry, but I decided to go and check and make sure that it was not broken, and do you know what the thermostat said? 84 degrees. EIGHTY FOUR DEGREES!! In my HOUSE!! He survived. Why does everyone worry for his safety so much. I mean, really.
2. I am so in love with the new commercial for some label maker thingy. Have you seen it? The one where the old couple get up and kiss eachother good morning and then they smile and realize that they have on eachother's dentures? I LOVE that commercial. I thought I might send myself into labor the first couple of times I saw it because I was laughing so hard. Pftt...that didn't happen.
3. Apparently I need to have sex. Did that catch you off guard? Yea, it does me too, everytime someone suggests it. And let me tell you, EVERYONE has suggested it. And when I say everyone, I mean that also includes my mother-in-law. Ewwww...how does she know about that? Supposedly doing the "hibbety-dibbety" will send me into labor. Wait a minute...isn't that what got me in this mess in the first place? That's what I thought. And maybe you haven't seen me lately, but I am the size of a small whale, and I'm not so sure about the "hibbety-dibbety". Frankly, I would rather drink some castor oil.
4. A single grape can entertain my dog for about half and hour. She got so excited over a grape that I gave her on Friday that I think she may have had a small seizure. Wow.
5. The new restaurant in town that I have been wanting to try for the past month so bad that I think about it, like, every single day SUCKS!! Ate there Friday night, won't go back again because it was so... not good. I won't mention the name on here just because I'm so influential and so many people read this, you know. And you might actually like it.
6. My cat is a big fat woosie cat. He is big, I mean really...he weighs 11lbs, and he likes to sit around the house plotting how he is going to dominate the world. He figures he already has us dominated...I don't know why he thinks this because, it's not like he has his own room or anything crazy like that. Okay, so maybe he does...but, shut up. So anyway, he had to go to the vet because he s allergic to something which has caused him to scratch a rash around his neck and now he is all scabby and yuck y'all. I felt so sorry for him. So, I loaded him up to go to the vet. By myself, which was great idea of the century #492.
Now, Coal, being the manly cat that he is, refuses to ride in a pet carrier. Oh no..Coal is too good for a pet carrier, but that's okay because he actually does really awesome in the car, and always has. So, off we go to the vet. He cried the WHOLE. WAY. THERE. I mean, like he already knew where we were going or something.
We arrive at the vet and I carry him inside to the front desk. He immediately turns around and digs his claws into my shoulder. He is PISSED people...I mean big time. He remembers that the vet is where he went one time, and he came home without his balls. I mean, can you really blame him?
He hid behind me the whole time in the examination room like a little woosie, and acted like he was afraid of the world. I tried talking to him, but he wouldn't even look at me. The vet said that he may be allergic to fleas, or it could be a food allergy (though probably not because he has been eating this food for a long time now), or...get this now...it could be stress. You know, like how your face breaks out when you get stressed? Yea, that could be it. So, he gets a cortizone shot and an antibiotic, and needs lots of love and special attention. Did I mention he has his OWN ROOM? What more does he want? Geez...
So, I put him back in the car, and he sat in the back seat the whole way home, not making a sound and staring out the window. I could hear him mumbling under his breath "I have the worst mom EVER on the history of the planet. I hate her. I think I'll piss on something that she likes when we get home... *evil chuckles".
This is Coal plotting his world domination. Be afraid people...be very afraid.
Labels: Married Life, The longest pregnancy ever
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