Get ready people because I am about to tell you a deep, dark, dirty secret. Make sure you're sitting down because this one may really shock you.
I have a really bad potty mouth.
Okay, so maybe it's not that big of a secret, but I'm just now realizing it. Yes I live with myself everyday, and usually I'm pretty aware of what I'm doing and saying, but this must have somehow been overlooked. Having a baby really makes you more aware of what stupid stuff you do.
Today Aeralyn and I were headed to the bank, and if I haven't told you already, I have some pretty bad road rage. Nothing makes me madder than idiots behind the wheel of a car.
I'm driving along behind a blue truck, which I later realized was from out of town. Out of town people are the worst people to drive behind because usually, they don't know where the heck they're going, and that never makes for a good day.
Blue truck man was no exception. He was apparently looking for the Chinese Restaurant, and when he saw it he became very proud of himself for finding it and SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! All he really had to do was get in the turning lane and proceed into the parking lot of the very special chinese restaurant, but NO! He was not all about that.
I don't like to slam on the brakes on normal occasions, but when I have my 6 week old baby in the car, that makes me not want to do it even more. I was a little mad, and before I knew it, I was screaming some rather choice words at blue truck man. And then I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth like I was 12 years old and had just said a bad word in front of my grandma.
Oops.
I can't say things like that anymore. I don't want Aeralyn hearing what I heard growing up because man did my dad cuss like a sailor. And ladies aren't supposed to talk like that anyway. Or something like that.
It really shouldn't be that hard because I don't have a potty mouth very often. In fact, the only person who really ever hears me say ugly words is Aaron. I never cuss in front of anyone else except for him, and really close friends. But really? There's no need to have those words in my vocabulary for any reason.
And then I started thinking about all the stuff we are going to have to start censoring. Aaron and I have a wicked way of picking at eachother, and we often say things that sound horrible and most people would never dream of saying things like this to the ones they love, but we mean them as terms of endearment. For example, some phrases we use in daily conversation are:
"I hate you."
"I'll kill you."
"Don't make me stab you in the eye."
No, I'm not kidding. When Aaron proposed to me, the first thing I said was "I hate you", and then I cried and we hugged and all that mushiness. If you don't believe me, it's on video. I have no idea how we got started saying these things to eachother, but it has stuck over the years. Everyone that knows us knows that we are playing with eachother and I've just never thought it was a big deal, until now.
Now really, I don't think it will go over well if Aeralyn goes to kindergarten and tells one of her classmates that she is going to kill them. I'm thinking it might scare some people, and possibly Child Protection Services might come and investigate us. Wouldn't that be fun?
I seriously doubt it.
I have a really bad potty mouth.
Okay, so maybe it's not that big of a secret, but I'm just now realizing it. Yes I live with myself everyday, and usually I'm pretty aware of what I'm doing and saying, but this must have somehow been overlooked. Having a baby really makes you more aware of what stupid stuff you do.
Today Aeralyn and I were headed to the bank, and if I haven't told you already, I have some pretty bad road rage. Nothing makes me madder than idiots behind the wheel of a car.
I'm driving along behind a blue truck, which I later realized was from out of town. Out of town people are the worst people to drive behind because usually, they don't know where the heck they're going, and that never makes for a good day.
Blue truck man was no exception. He was apparently looking for the Chinese Restaurant, and when he saw it he became very proud of himself for finding it and SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! All he really had to do was get in the turning lane and proceed into the parking lot of the very special chinese restaurant, but NO! He was not all about that.
I don't like to slam on the brakes on normal occasions, but when I have my 6 week old baby in the car, that makes me not want to do it even more. I was a little mad, and before I knew it, I was screaming some rather choice words at blue truck man. And then I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth like I was 12 years old and had just said a bad word in front of my grandma.
Oops.
I can't say things like that anymore. I don't want Aeralyn hearing what I heard growing up because man did my dad cuss like a sailor. And ladies aren't supposed to talk like that anyway. Or something like that.
It really shouldn't be that hard because I don't have a potty mouth very often. In fact, the only person who really ever hears me say ugly words is Aaron. I never cuss in front of anyone else except for him, and really close friends. But really? There's no need to have those words in my vocabulary for any reason.
And then I started thinking about all the stuff we are going to have to start censoring. Aaron and I have a wicked way of picking at eachother, and we often say things that sound horrible and most people would never dream of saying things like this to the ones they love, but we mean them as terms of endearment. For example, some phrases we use in daily conversation are:
"I hate you."
"I'll kill you."
"Don't make me stab you in the eye."
No, I'm not kidding. When Aaron proposed to me, the first thing I said was "I hate you", and then I cried and we hugged and all that mushiness. If you don't believe me, it's on video. I have no idea how we got started saying these things to eachother, but it has stuck over the years. Everyone that knows us knows that we are playing with eachother and I've just never thought it was a big deal, until now.
Now really, I don't think it will go over well if Aeralyn goes to kindergarten and tells one of her classmates that she is going to kill them. I'm thinking it might scare some people, and possibly Child Protection Services might come and investigate us. Wouldn't that be fun?
I seriously doubt it.
Labels: Parenting
1 Comments:
omg u should hear some of the things that come out of my mouth at the drivers up here in boston....they are beyond CRAZY!!
Tara
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